It’s crazy right? I cannot believe it’s 2020.  The end of a decade or the beginning of a decade? Seems to be some argument and honestly whatever.  I’m just thankful to be alive and I am truly blessed.  What does this new year bring for me?  Is it the same ole same ole?  Nope! Not one bit.  Am I on a weight loss journey?  Absolutely.  However, in all fairness, I have gained too much weight and I definitely need to get it under control.  Am I going to watch my spending?  Absolutely.  I have wasted too much money and have bought a lot of unnecessary things so it’s time to take that money and put it into my savings account.  Now that the obvious is out of the way, I’ll talk about some other things that I will FOCUS on in 2020.

FOCUS is my word in 2020.  I need to focus on finishing school.  I need to focus on being positive. I need to focus on my mental health.  I need to focus on my physical health.  I need to focus on my water intake.  I need to focus on my future.  I need to focus on my finances. I need to focus on being consistent.  I need to focus on staying on track.  I need to focus on me. I spend so much time focuses and worrying about everyone else, that I tend to forget about me.  I am not going to be selfish but I’m going to be a little selfish.  I’m not wonder woman but everyone around me thinks I am and because of this, it has taken it’s toll on me both mentally and physically.

Today I decided to take a social media break.  I logged out of everything.  At first I started to disable my accounts but then I just decided to log out and unplug.  It’s amazing how much social media can consume our lives without us really being aware that it is happening.  I have read today.  Watched a little bit of television.  Cleaned out my closet and did a lot of de-cluttering today.  I gave myself a facial, a pedicure and now I’m blogging.  I want to get back to the things that made me happy and kept my mind in a positive space.  Everything else to me was too negative and I feel I have let it somewhat consume a part of me that I shouldn’t have.  I’m always going to be a work in progress but as long as I keep moving in this direction, I’ll be fine.

What are you doing different in 2020?

 
A couple of weeks ago, I attended a workshop for one of my classes.  The workshop was called “Mindset.”  Before attending the workshop, I was very aware of what the word mindset meant but didn’t realize the depths of how this simple word can really change your mood and attitude of how I live my life.  The dictionary defines mindset as “the established set of attitudes held by someone.”  Pretty simple right?  Actually it is so much more to mindset than just this simple definition.  There are two types of mindset; fixed and growth.

Fixed.  “In a fixed mindset, people believe their basic qualities, like their intelligence or talent, are simply fixed traits. They spend their time documenting their intelligence or talent instead of developing them. They also believe that talent alone creates success—without effort. They’re wrong.”

Growth.  “In a growth mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work—brains and talent are just the starting point. This view creates a love of learning and a resilience that is essential for great accomplishment. Virtually all great people have had these qualities.”

I feel like I have been stuck in a fixed mindset for such a long time.  I’ve always seen myself as an intelligent person.  I am familiar with a lot of “things.” I can engage in most conversations and what I don’t know, I will definitely research.  However, that is as far as I’ve ever taken my mindset.  I give great advice but I’m not sure I always follow it.  A couple of years ago, I made the conscience decision to go back to school and while I was doing pretty good in my classes, I still had a fixed mindset. I say this because I didn’t put as much effort into studying. In my mind, I knew the answers or I could search for them quickly and therefore, I wasn’t putting much effort into my studies. As a student, I was just going through the motions of school and while I was learning, I wasn’t growing as a student.

When I changed my mindset, I not only learned the materials and understood them better, I didn’t regret the process. School is a lot of work and it’s a process. It is more than just doing the assignments and physically showing up in class. You have to mentally sign up as well. I learned that if I am not mentally prepared for this journey, then what’s the point. This is growth for me. I show up and I show out. I no longer sit in the back and hope for the teacher never call on me. I am always raising my hand and asking questions, answering questions and engaging in healthy communication and definitely taking notes.

I’m a bad ass now and I’m a loving it!

At the beginning of January, I set out to find me a new planner. I buy a lot of planners throughout the year and I use them for a month or so and then I just say forget it. It seems to be too much work and honestly, it was boring. When I stumbled across the Happy Planner for the second time and all the accessories (stickers, extension packs), I thought to myself, this might work this time. I purchased a few items but I really didn’t know how to start of what to do. I searched in Facebook groups for “The Happy Planner” and low and behold, it was this huge underground world of people who use happy planners. Seriously, I had died and went to planner group heaven. I joined the group and have fallen down the rabbit hole ever since.

The planning community is this phenomenal group of women who not only plan their lives but they decorate their planners. These people use stickers, card stock, washi tape, Cricut machine, Silhouette machine and a host of other crafts and tools to make these spreads not only look beautiful but work for them in their every day life. It’s honestly something that I never thought I would ever engage in or be a part of. I will tell you that I absolutely love the planning community. It’s diverse, it’s fun, it’s creative and for the most part, we can all relate to each other for our love of stickers and new releases. (That’s another blog topic, trust me.)

Since I began using the happy planner, I a more organized. I am on track with errands, appointments and most importantly school. My husband and I have different schedules so I can keep up with his appointments, truck runs, etc. I don’t miss homework assignments (unless I procrastinate) but for the most part, this planner has saved my life these past few months. I am old school so I like paper and pen. I can add a reminder to my phone but once I hit dismiss, I forget about it. I carry my planner with me and I look at it daily so I always know what is going on. If I need to pay a bill, automatic payments, send someone a birthday shout out or whatever, it’s all in my planner so I don’t forget. I’m getting older and I have a lot going on so I can admit that things slip my mind. I can say that I am grateful for the happy planner and the planning community.

It’s been a few months since I’ve written a post.  While I am not into excuses, life got in the way.  One of the reasons I started blogging, I really felt it would help me to release a lot of feelings that I may not always be comfortable with sharing with close friends and/or family.  However, I am not sure why I am comfortable with sharing it with the world.  Maybe it’s because people you don’t know seem to be a little more honest than that ones we do.  People close to you always seem to want everyone to think everything is great when in reality, we are all living in this dog-eat-dog world and doing our best to put on a brave face and survive each and every day.  With so many school shooting, massing shootings, etc, it can be difficult at times.

My son has been home from school for the  summer and he will be going back in a couple of weeks.  While I love having my son home, it can be trying at times.  I can definitely see the change in what type of young man he is developing into.  He is definitely still trying to figure it all out and he believes he’s “grown.”  Until he can’t figure it out, then he calls.  LOL. At any rate, I am very proud of him and the man he is becoming.

I did finish my summer class with a B-. I really should have gotten an “A” but I did procrastinate and because of that, I fell behind.  Once you get behind, it’s hard to catch up.  I did manage to complete the course so I am thankful for that and now fall semester is right around the corner.  I’ve decided to take 3 classes this semester but I would like to add a 4th.  I’m so close to finishing and I really want to move on to university life.  Honestly, I just want to be done with school so I can move on to the next phase of my life.

I had been seriously looking into volunteer work.  I really wanted something that I would be able to use in the future and also gain some experience in the field I am studying.  I am happy to announce, I have been accepted into the CASA training program.  Upon successful completion of the training, passing background check, etc, I will be sworn in and assigned a child to begin working with.  I am excited about this opportunity.  I am seriously considering working with at risk children.  Talk to me again in 4 years, LOL it may change.

Right now, this is where I am in life and I must say I am again finding my inner peace.  I will make sure to blog at least once a week as I feel it does help me to relax.  I love writing and inner peace is about doing things that you love and what makes you happy.

Until we meet again!

These last three to fours years have not been what I had hoped for in my personal and or professional life.  My marriage has been plagued with infidelity, lies and humiliation.  My father died shortly before my 50th birthday and I feel professionally things have gotten a little off track.

Dealing with marital issues (especially when you didn’t know you had any) can always be tough to overcome.  I have been angry for two years and I couldn’t shake my anger.  Everytime my husband said hi to me, I would blow up. I became increasingly paranoid, sad and depressed.  I couldn’t think, eat or even grow my business the way I wanted to.  One day, I just couldn’t take it no more and I had a mini nervous breakdown on my living room floor. It was all too much and I just had to give it all to God.  I thought I had but at that moment, I knew I was trying to “fix” it my own way and obviously that wasn’t working. I needed that inner peace.  So I prayed. I prayed. I prayed. I prayed so much in one one week, than I think I had in my entire life.  (Maybe not but it felt like it.)  About a month before the new year, God spoke to me.  He showed me my happy place and told me it was about time to love me, live for me and take care of me.

My son was accepted into UC Berkeley and he left for school in August 2018.  So my very much needed selfishness at this time definitely sat right in my spirit.  I decided to buy a planner.  Not just any planner, but a Happy Planner. I looked for stickers, accessories and anything that was going to take me to a place of happy.  That is when I began to get creative.  I wanted to take things further and get more into crafting.  I bought glitter, rhinestones, more stickers, latch hook kit and even paint.  All of this has brought me inner peace.  It helps me when I feel anxious or uneasy. I have designed my loft so that my desks are used for only my crafting and my studying.  (I am also a full time student).  I designed my own happy place.

The problems in my marriage also caused me to spend unnecessarily and stupidly. I depleted my savings and bought things I didn’t need or spent money on wasteful stuff.  At the time, I was trying to distract from the foolishness that was going on in my marriage.  When the new year rolled around, I came up with a plan to help me save and rebuild.  I have started doing that and every two weeks when I receive my paycheck, I transfer that money directly to my savings account. I live within in my means and it feels so good to see my savings account growing again.

My professional life began to suffer because I know longer had the desire to market my payroll/bookkeeping business to get more clients. I didn’t want to put in the work anymore.  Working for myself became lonely and I feel I was really isolating myself from the world. I began applying for jobs and I found a really good job working in accounting. After a month, I was promoted to HR Manager and I received a really nice increase in pay. God is good!

Meditation is always something I wanted to try and I know getting involved in Yoga will also give me that peace in my life and help my spirit to heal and grow.  All the pain and heartache that my husband caused me in the short time that was have been married almost broke me. Or maybe it did break me, but I learned that through self love and self care, you can rebuild yourself and become a better you.

I don’t know what God’s plan is for my marriage but I know what God’s plan is for me at this point in my life.  Moving forward in my 50’s, continuing my education, working a job I really do like, meeting people and learning new things, is what it is all about.  I can only continue to pray that God continues to heal my heart and keep me focused on this beautiful new journey that I am on.  He is an awesome God and I am so thankful everyday that he sees the best in me!

I’ve been hearing a lot about the envelope system.  Apparently it’s nothing new but it’s new to me. The envelope system sounds like a good way to budget and not overspend.  According to Dave Ramsey, here is how the envelope system can work for you.

1.  Set the budget. i.e, groceries $400 per month
2.  Take half of that out of your bank accounts ($200) and put in an envelope. I am assuming this is for bi-weekly paychecks.
3.  Take the second half ($200) out of your bank account next pay period.  Again, I’m assuming because it’s based on half of the budgeted amount.
4.  Take the envelope with the $400 on your grocery day and go shopping.  If you spend more than the $400, take something out. You don’t add to it.
5.  If you run out of some items before your next month’s grocery allowance, you don’t buy it, you figure something else out. You make it work for whatever is in your refrigerator or pantry.
6. Next month, repeat!

While I’m sure this is a great system for some, here are a couple of things I personally don’t like about it.

1.  If you have money left over, reward yourself. Why?  Isn’t the concept of budgeting? If you have money left over, shouldn’t that go into your savings account or some type of emergency fund or put it towards another bill.
2.  The concept of carrying or having large amounts of cash in my house, car or purse just does not appeal to me.

I don’t knock the envelope system and I am sure it works. But for me, I think I would definitely save anything left over and not reward myself and if I would probably use a pre-paid card to put the cash on to go to the grocery store or any other place that is going to require me to use large amounts of cash.  Call me paranoid but there would be nothing worse then to have your purse stolen or your house broken into and that “grocery” money is now gone.  I need security when it comes to my money.

Thoughts?