Infidelity in a marriage is a deeply painful experience that can push couples to their limits. Deciding to stay together out of convenience is a complex choice that is deeply personal and influenced by various factors. While it may offer temporary stability, it’s crucial to address the underlying emotional issues and seek professional help if necessary. Ultimately, the decision to stay or part ways should prioritize the well-being and happiness of both partners, even if it means facing the challenges of the unknown.

The Betrayal and Emotional Fallout

Infidelity is a breach of trust that can have profound emotional and psychological consequences for both partners. The discovery of a partner’s affair often leads to feelings of anger, sadness, and betrayal. It can shatter one’s self-esteem and leave lasting scars on the relationship.

Staying Together for Convenience

In the aftermath of infidelity, some couples find themselves at a crossroads. They may no longer feel the same level of love, affection, or attraction to their partner, yet they choose to remain together for various practical reasons, which may include:

Financial Stability

Shared assets, investments, and financial stability are significant factors that keep couples together, even when the emotional connection has weakened. Divorce can be financially devastating for both parties, and some choose to stay for the sake of their financial well-being.

Social and Family Pressure

Societal expectations and family pressure can play a significant role in the decision to stay together after infidelity. The fear of judgment and the desire to maintain a façade of a happy marriage may influence this choice.

Fear of the Unknown

The prospect of starting over can be daunting, especially after years of shared history. Some individuals may choose to stay in a familiar, albeit flawed, relationship because they fear the uncertainties of life outside of it.

The Emotional Toll of Convenience

While staying together for convenience may offer short-term stability, it often comes at an emotional cost. Couples in such situations may struggle with resentment, lack of intimacy, and ongoing trust issues. The lack of genuine emotional connection can lead to a sense of emptiness and loneliness.

The Importance of Self-Reflection and Communication

If you find yourself in a marriage that has been marred by infidelity and you are considering staying together for convenience, it’s essential to engage in open and honest communication. Reflect on your individual needs and desires and consider seeking the guidance of a professional therapist or counselor. It’s important to remember that staying together should be a conscious and mutually agreed-upon decision, not merely a default option.

Like most of you, I am ready to leave it all behind me.  2020 was a hell of a ride..  COVID is still raging all over the world and unfortunately, just because we’ve entered a new year, doesn’t meant we are out of the woods out.  However, we can still reflect on the good, the bad and the ugly and definitely learn, grow and move forward in 2021.

Twenty-twenty taught me a lot about forgiveness.  Not that I didn’t know forgiveness before, but it really pushed me to let go and let God.  With so much uncertainty in the world, letting go, patience, moving on, etc is all we can really do.  Holding grudges definitely is not in the cards and how can they be when you never know what can happen at any given moment.  At the rate COVID is taking people’s lives and family and friends not even being able to say good bye is so disheartening.  Even in my own relationship, I had to really decide do I want to continue to harbor the negativity I feel towards my own partner or do I genuinely want to put it behind me as I said I have done so many times.  Hurt is a painful thing and when that hurt manifests, sometimes it’s really hard to let it go.  At what point, do you really want to move on and move forward?

Can we talk about school in 2020 and how I really don’t feel I learned anything.  Teachers weren’t teaching and I think a couple of my classes I passed because they really didn’t give a damn.  While I appreciate the leniency in some areas, I don’t appreciate the professors who just listed the assignments and pretty much said do it and you get the credit.  Some professors were not present and barely responded to emails.  Yet, the students still had to pay full tuition and the professors’ salaries didn’t change one bit.  I think the only upside to this is I am in community college so hopefully when I do transfer, there will be some normalcy to attending school.  At this rate, I’m not sure I would be able to keep up at a University with no guidance.

Reflecting on not being able to go places as we were on shut down did mess with my mental health.  At times I felt confined, stuck and depressed.  I didn’t think I could feel so hopeless and then my mother testing positive for COVID.  I had to hold it together and I really leaned on family and friends to help me get through that.  She pulled through.  My mom is definitely a fighter.  It’s crazy because she really doesn’t remember; just like when she had a stroke.  God definitely doesn’t let the negative manifest in her.  I really find that remarkable.

I really don’t want to spend a lot of time focusing on the negative 2020 had in my life.  I do feel that there was a lot of positive and that through it all, we are still together as a family.  I started my own craft business and I am working on finishing my etsy shop.  I’ve learned a new craft and I made a couple of friends along the way.  I think through it all, I will only focus on the positive that 2020 has brought to me and moving forward, keep that same positive energy in my heart.

“If you are going to worry, don’t pray.  If you are going to pray, don’t worry.”

My son, hubby and I went jet skiing in San Diego at Luxury Jet Ski at the Harbor.  I really love jet skiing.  It’s been a passion of mine since I first went in 2016.  Luxury Jet Ski purchases new jet skis every year so we were on 2020 skis.  While I love everything about jet skiing, what I don’t like is before you can get to where you can jet ski without speed limitations it takes you approximately 8-10 minutes to get to that point. The first part of your jet skiing experience is at 5 mph. The skis will not go any faster to prevent you from getting a ticket. I can accept that.  However, the jet ski company doesn’t really take this into account. They may tell you this at the beginning but then in the end, they are charging you an over the usage fee of $1.65 per minute.  While the cost is $80 per hour, you don’t really get a full hour of jet ski rental.  What you actually get is about 45 minutes and here is why.  You can go pretty far out into the harbor.  If you use your one hour and you are about 15 minutes away, then you are now over by 15 minutes.  Let’s not forget that additional 8-10 minutes its going to take you to get through the 5 mph zone.  For us, our $80 per hour rental ended up being $114.24 as we were charged the additional minutes.

After our jet skiing, we went back to the hotel to get cleaned up and changed so we could walk downtown and find dinner.  The sad thing about downtown San Diego right now is there isn’t a lot of places open, even for take out.  It’s definitely not the same experience before the pandemic. The homeless people and drug addicts have taken over and with no real security and or police down there to manage, restaurants are leery of opening.  We did manage to try and couple of places as we could order margaritas, tacos, cuban and thai food to go.   We did enjoy it but needless to say we didn’t stay too long but we did find some good food which we enjoyed at our hotel.

We stayed at the TownePlace Suites by Marriott which was downtown San Diego.   The rooms were nice.  A little cramped for four people but it was manageable.  They also had a full kitchen in there but I’m not sure I would have wanted to cook with the stove and the beds being so close to each other.  It just didn’t seem big enough or really sanitary.  What I loved most about the place was the robot.  If you wanted something from the snack area, a robot brought it to the door.  It was cute.  Also, the hotel is really nice and clean.  Unfortunately due to the pandemic, nothing was opened.  It was in a nice quiet area so we were able to walk around for a bit after hours. Also, there were quite a bit of food places and stores open if you wanted a late night beverage.  We were able to park on the street and save on parking.  I would definitely stay there again if it was just me and my husband.

With the quarantine, stay-at-home order, social distancing, masks, gloves, hoarding, etc, the world is in a different place and so is my mental health.  When this all first started, I didn’t think it was a big deal.  I was naive. With over 26 million people out of work and not knowing what was going to happen with my job and my husband’s job, it was time I took it serious and that’s when I knew I needed to protect my own mental health.

The COVID-19 is scary and it has the best of the best scratching their heads trying to figure out their next step.  There is no vaccine. They barely know where it originated from or how it even came about.  The only thing they know is that it doesn’t discriminate.  COVID-19 doesn’t give a damn about color, gender or age.  It will affect anyone it comes in contact with.  Some will fight the virus and the virus will fight others.  Many will live but some will die.  With so much uncertainty right now, I definitely have to protect my mental health.  Protecting my mental health also protects those closest to me.  If I’m in a good space mentally, so is my mother, my daughter, my son, my husband and believe it or not, my beloved corgi mix.

I am the one in my family that everyone leans on. I am the strength in my household. I am the one that they all depend on.  Does it get overwhelming?  Absolutely!  We are family.  We are forever and for me, it comes with the territory and I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Protecting my mental health entails a lot of me time.  I spend time watching television, reading, studying and crafting.  I go to work everyday.  My husband and I go on dates at the park.  My kids and I go to the park. We walk to the yogurt shop.  I window shop a lot online.  I sit outside.  I listen to music.  I make phone calls instead of texting.  What I have noticed most is I have really unplugged from social media.  I take it all one day at a time and I do my best to keep a smile on my face.  I see the good and the positive and to me, God has a bigger plan for all of us.  It was time for people as a whole to slow down. Spend time with families and turn to God.  He’s in control and if people don’t see it now, they never will.

I encourage all of you to do whatever you can to protect your mental health. Make sure you are taking time for you. Find some quiet time and just sit and reflect on what we will have to look forward to when this is all over.  See the positive in the situation and not the negative.  Protect your mental health.

It’s crazy right? I cannot believe it’s 2020.  The end of a decade or the beginning of a decade? Seems to be some argument and honestly whatever.  I’m just thankful to be alive and I am truly blessed.  What does this new year bring for me?  Is it the same ole same ole?  Nope! Not one bit.  Am I on a weight loss journey?  Absolutely.  However, in all fairness, I have gained too much weight and I definitely need to get it under control.  Am I going to watch my spending?  Absolutely.  I have wasted too much money and have bought a lot of unnecessary things so it’s time to take that money and put it into my savings account.  Now that the obvious is out of the way, I’ll talk about some other things that I will FOCUS on in 2020.

FOCUS is my word in 2020.  I need to focus on finishing school.  I need to focus on being positive. I need to focus on my mental health.  I need to focus on my physical health.  I need to focus on my water intake.  I need to focus on my future.  I need to focus on my finances. I need to focus on being consistent.  I need to focus on staying on track.  I need to focus on me. I spend so much time focuses and worrying about everyone else, that I tend to forget about me.  I am not going to be selfish but I’m going to be a little selfish.  I’m not wonder woman but everyone around me thinks I am and because of this, it has taken it’s toll on me both mentally and physically.

Today I decided to take a social media break.  I logged out of everything.  At first I started to disable my accounts but then I just decided to log out and unplug.  It’s amazing how much social media can consume our lives without us really being aware that it is happening.  I have read today.  Watched a little bit of television.  Cleaned out my closet and did a lot of de-cluttering today.  I gave myself a facial, a pedicure and now I’m blogging.  I want to get back to the things that made me happy and kept my mind in a positive space.  Everything else to me was too negative and I feel I have let it somewhat consume a part of me that I shouldn’t have.  I’m always going to be a work in progress but as long as I keep moving in this direction, I’ll be fine.

What are you doing different in 2020?

At the beginning of January, I set out to find me a new planner. I buy a lot of planners throughout the year and I use them for a month or so and then I just say forget it. It seems to be too much work and honestly, it was boring. When I stumbled across the Happy Planner for the second time and all the accessories (stickers, extension packs), I thought to myself, this might work this time. I purchased a few items but I really didn’t know how to start of what to do. I searched in Facebook groups for “The Happy Planner” and low and behold, it was this huge underground world of people who use happy planners. Seriously, I had died and went to planner group heaven. I joined the group and have fallen down the rabbit hole ever since.

The planning community is this phenomenal group of women who not only plan their lives but they decorate their planners. These people use stickers, card stock, washi tape, Cricut machine, Silhouette machine and a host of other crafts and tools to make these spreads not only look beautiful but work for them in their every day life. It’s honestly something that I never thought I would ever engage in or be a part of. I will tell you that I absolutely love the planning community. It’s diverse, it’s fun, it’s creative and for the most part, we can all relate to each other for our love of stickers and new releases. (That’s another blog topic, trust me.)

Since I began using the happy planner, I a more organized. I am on track with errands, appointments and most importantly school. My husband and I have different schedules so I can keep up with his appointments, truck runs, etc. I don’t miss homework assignments (unless I procrastinate) but for the most part, this planner has saved my life these past few months. I am old school so I like paper and pen. I can add a reminder to my phone but once I hit dismiss, I forget about it. I carry my planner with me and I look at it daily so I always know what is going on. If I need to pay a bill, automatic payments, send someone a birthday shout out or whatever, it’s all in my planner so I don’t forget. I’m getting older and I have a lot going on so I can admit that things slip my mind. I can say that I am grateful for the happy planner and the planning community.

I am the mother of two beautiful adult children.  My daughter is 29 and my son is 19.  My son is a full time student at a well known and very much respected University in Northern California. He graduated with a 4.6 GPA and he is studying international business and political science. He wants to attend law school and become an international attorney.  His ultimate goal is to become a Supreme Court Judge.

My daughter is not doing much with her life. She jumps from job to job and seems to gravitate to the same people. Her circle really needs to be revamped and she needs to figure it out sooner, rather than later. She is a high school graduate but that’s really it.  She’s a sweet person but she is just lost in life.  It’s amazing how different my two children are.

Brother and sister were raised in the same household. They were both afforded the same opportunities in life.  At times, I feel like my daughter had it a lot easier than my son. She was my first born and my daughter so I believe I definitely raised her differently.  I made her life so easy and I don’t think I ever showed her any type of tough love. I feel I tried to make up for the fact her father wasn’t around.

I was harder on my son. I knew he was a mini genius. His thirst for knowledge and his love of education was mind blowing to me.  I really nurtured his mind academically and because of this, he is excelling in his young academic life.  However, I really didn’t do too much differently accept I probably allowed my daughter to NOT have to be as responsible as my son.

So my question is can you handicap your children?  Absolutely! I have a child who really cannot function too well in the real world because of me not wanting her to fail.  I have always been there to pick up the pieces and hold her hand through every aspect of her life. When I moved to another state and she stayed behind with her grandmother, she was literally lost.  Even though my mom was there to help her, she just doesn’t have a clue. It has been seven (7) years since I’ve left.

Moving forward, she has had multiple jobs, really nowhere to call home (she lost her apartment after I paid for it and furnished it) and she is also on probation.  At times, I almost feel like I failed her as a mother.  But at the same time, I provided the foundation for her to live her best life but somewhere it just didn’t stick or she really is too immature to live in the real world with the rest of us adults.

Either way, I feel I gave her too much and I didn’t allow her to grow into an adult and make her own mistakes. I was there too much to pick up the pieces and the guilt that I had for her father not being around, did more harm than good.  It has taken me some time though to ease up on myself because at some point she needs to want better for herself.  If I had to do it all differently again, I definitely would. I would have raised her exactly how I raised my son. I am or was her crutch and because of that, I have handicapped her.