Like most of you, I am ready to leave it all behind me.  2020 was a hell of a ride..  COVID is still raging all over the world and unfortunately, just because we’ve entered a new year, doesn’t meant we are out of the woods out.  However, we can still reflect on the good, the bad and the ugly and definitely learn, grow and move forward in 2021.

Twenty-twenty taught me a lot about forgiveness.  Not that I didn’t know forgiveness before, but it really pushed me to let go and let God.  With so much uncertainty in the world, letting go, patience, moving on, etc is all we can really do.  Holding grudges definitely is not in the cards and how can they be when you never know what can happen at any given moment.  At the rate COVID is taking people’s lives and family and friends not even being able to say good bye is so disheartening.  Even in my own relationship, I had to really decide do I want to continue to harbor the negativity I feel towards my own partner or do I genuinely want to put it behind me as I said I have done so many times.  Hurt is a painful thing and when that hurt manifests, sometimes it’s really hard to let it go.  At what point, do you really want to move on and move forward?

Can we talk about school in 2020 and how I really don’t feel I learned anything.  Teachers weren’t teaching and I think a couple of my classes I passed because they really didn’t give a damn.  While I appreciate the leniency in some areas, I don’t appreciate the professors who just listed the assignments and pretty much said do it and you get the credit.  Some professors were not present and barely responded to emails.  Yet, the students still had to pay full tuition and the professors’ salaries didn’t change one bit.  I think the only upside to this is I am in community college so hopefully when I do transfer, there will be some normalcy to attending school.  At this rate, I’m not sure I would be able to keep up at a University with no guidance.

Reflecting on not being able to go places as we were on shut down did mess with my mental health.  At times I felt confined, stuck and depressed.  I didn’t think I could feel so hopeless and then my mother testing positive for COVID.  I had to hold it together and I really leaned on family and friends to help me get through that.  She pulled through.  My mom is definitely a fighter.  It’s crazy because she really doesn’t remember; just like when she had a stroke.  God definitely doesn’t let the negative manifest in her.  I really find that remarkable.

I really don’t want to spend a lot of time focusing on the negative 2020 had in my life.  I do feel that there was a lot of positive and that through it all, we are still together as a family.  I started my own craft business and I am working on finishing my etsy shop.  I’ve learned a new craft and I made a couple of friends along the way.  I think through it all, I will only focus on the positive that 2020 has brought to me and moving forward, keep that same positive energy in my heart.

“If you are going to worry, don’t pray.  If you are going to pray, don’t worry.”