It’s crazy right? I cannot believe it’s 2020.  The end of a decade or the beginning of a decade? Seems to be some argument and honestly whatever.  I’m just thankful to be alive and I am truly blessed.  What does this new year bring for me?  Is it the same ole same ole?  Nope! Not one bit.  Am I on a weight loss journey?  Absolutely.  However, in all fairness, I have gained too much weight and I definitely need to get it under control.  Am I going to watch my spending?  Absolutely.  I have wasted too much money and have bought a lot of unnecessary things so it’s time to take that money and put it into my savings account.  Now that the obvious is out of the way, I’ll talk about some other things that I will FOCUS on in 2020.

FOCUS is my word in 2020.  I need to focus on finishing school.  I need to focus on being positive. I need to focus on my mental health.  I need to focus on my physical health.  I need to focus on my water intake.  I need to focus on my future.  I need to focus on my finances. I need to focus on being consistent.  I need to focus on staying on track.  I need to focus on me. I spend so much time focuses and worrying about everyone else, that I tend to forget about me.  I am not going to be selfish but I’m going to be a little selfish.  I’m not wonder woman but everyone around me thinks I am and because of this, it has taken it’s toll on me both mentally and physically.

Today I decided to take a social media break.  I logged out of everything.  At first I started to disable my accounts but then I just decided to log out and unplug.  It’s amazing how much social media can consume our lives without us really being aware that it is happening.  I have read today.  Watched a little bit of television.  Cleaned out my closet and did a lot of de-cluttering today.  I gave myself a facial, a pedicure and now I’m blogging.  I want to get back to the things that made me happy and kept my mind in a positive space.  Everything else to me was too negative and I feel I have let it somewhat consume a part of me that I shouldn’t have.  I’m always going to be a work in progress but as long as I keep moving in this direction, I’ll be fine.

What are you doing different in 2020?

The fall semester is almost over.  Only two more weeks before it’s time for finals.  Only six more classes to go and then I’ll have my Associates in Psychology and Sociology and my Certification in Behavioral Science.  I should be jumping for joy.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy.  I see a light at the end of the tunnel but at what cost?  I’m physically and mentally drained.  School is fricken hard!  I knew it would be challenging but I had no clue that I would sometimes feel like I was going to have a nervous breakdown.  Seriously! School takes a toll on your mental health.

It can really wear you out and have you doubting so many things.  Should I finish?  Is it worth it?  How many more hours should I study?  Am I going to ace this test?  What am I doing wrong?  It creates so much confusion that you literally find yourself battling with yourself everyday. The amount of pressure the professors put on their students. The amount of pressure parents put on their children is insane.  Don’t get me wrong, a part of me gets it but I’m not sure this is something I could have handled in my early 20’s.  I think by now I would be bat sh$t crazy.

There is a lot to remember. It seems like every teacher has the same deadline.  Why is everything done at the same time? Midterms, finals, assignments, etc.  It is very overwhelming, challenging but rewarding at the same time. I know I’ll get through it and I’ll live.  I’m glad I’ll have a four-week break.  Not sure what classes I really want to take or how many at this point.  I really need to be strategic and make sure I have a good mix of not too hard but also interesting.  Until then, I’m going to do my best and stay in prayer. That’s all I can do!